Hello patriots and welcome to our new website! Since we are such good little consumers, we figured we might as well share with you the material things that have brought us brief moments of happiness this year. So without further ado, we present to you the Raised Wrong 2022 Gift Guide!
Baby Lips Dr. Rescue ($3.48)
Baby Lips Dr. Rescue aka Dr. Baby Lips is Jeanne's favorite basic chapstick for these Ben Shapiro-dry winter months. It is slightly menthol-y but it looks and feels so good. So stuff that in your stocking!
Moisturizing Spa Socks ($12 at Kitsch)
Chronic dry heels is a serious condition and until there's a cure, you'll just have to settle for these cute little jelly socks. They really work! Wear them for one night's sleep (your toes are still free) and wake up to heels that are soft and smooth like a baby's ass.
CELER Workout Shorts ($28.99 on Amazon)
These are good and affordable shorts if you like working out or just showing off your ass.
Giant Hoodies ($60)
The perfect gift for anyone who wants to look like a tiny little baby who needs help.
Impala Roller Skates ($44.95) Or if you're Jessica, Roller Blades ($159.95)
Because you're never too old to skate and/or severely bruise your tailbone! And don't forget your protective gear. We don't want your blood on our hands.
Cool Embroidery from @legallybroidered on Etsy (Prices vary)
If you know someone who loves Succession or Taylor Swift or both, they will certainly appreciate the work of bad bitch embroiderer Becca. (Jeanne has the one that says "Live Laugh Lexapro" and it has improved her quality of life dramatically.) This Wednesday Addams one is also very cool esp if you've got a touch of the goth.
Electric Egg Cooker ($13 on Amazon)
Jessica says you need an egg cooker. She wouldn't even tell me a specific one so I guess it doesn't matter. She said to pick the most expensive one but what I'm learning today is that egg cookers are cheap so maybe you should get one for every room of your house. If you like eggs, that is.
Urevo Under Desk Treadmill ($389.99 on Amazon)
This is obviously one of Jessica's things.
Fur Oil ($52)
A few years ago, Jeanne saw a headline that was like "How Emma Watson Keeps Her Pubic Hair Soft" and she was like oh yes, that is the exact type of information I need. Anyways, she bought this stuff and it really is nice for after shaving or waxing. If you got all the hair on your snatch lasered off like Jessica, you have no need for it, but it does say you can use it as cuticle oil as well. Anyways, the bottle is cool looking and it smells good, but more importantly, Hermione Granger rubs it on her pubes.
Crossrope Get Fit Bundle ($288)
Yes you guessed it, this is another Jessica pick. I asked Jessica to explain this to me and here's what she said: "Crossrope has a corresponding app with cool programs to follow to make you into a professional athlete." Basically it's the highest tech jump rope in the world and honestly it does look very cool.
Snug Lumbar Pillow ($68 from Sunday Citizen)
Jeanne bought this pillow thinking it might be good for her old person back as she sits on the couch for 10 hours a day, but instead she cuddles with it at night as if it were her lover. It comes in a vacuum packed bag that makes it very flat, but once it fluffs out, it's quite nice.
BAMPURE Bamboo Sheets ($89.99 on Amazon)
Jessica & Jeanne can't agree on sheets (Odd Couple, much?!) but Jessica swears by these bamboo ones. Jeanne likes Brooklinen Classic Percale, but somehow? They make it work.
(I'm not going to show you a picture of sheets because you know what they look like.)
Buxom Full-On Plumping Lip Cream ($23 at Ulta)
Jessica says this stuff is "great for looking like a cock hungry slut." Um, I'll take 12!
Toast Light ($25.99 on Amazon)
Both Jeanne and Jessica's daughter love cute little foods with faces and this night light checks all those boxes!
Okay, that it for now! Hope this helps you in some small way this holiday season. If it doesn't? Maybe you are beyond help.
