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Episodes

Feb. 2, 2022

Unexplainable Giant Tits

First episode of 2022!! Topics include War & Peace, permanent makeup, plastic surgery, hit 2004 television show Wife Swap, balloon boy, being a whore for brands on social media, veterans & pregnant people, grocery store virtu...

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Dec. 28, 2021

Happy Xmas (I'm kicking your son in the dick)

Topics include Home Alone, singing at babies, holiday depression, wearing your own merch, zebras, getting in fights at Disney World, and the demographics of Diet Coke drinkers. Plus a very special edition of terrible advice:...

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Nov. 19, 2021

John Equipmentfixer and the Macy's Day Parade

Topics include movie trailers, mushrooms, Michael Clayton, being tired, being mad, NordicTrack, the Contact Lens King, Timothée Chalamet, 'unskilled’ workers, Elon Musk, and the New York City clown community. Plus, a 2004 Cos...

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Nov. 1, 2021

"I don't want to talk about my mateys"

Merry Halloween, patriots! Topics include falafel, primates, inflatables, yelling at children, tacos, wood with a past (Jessica’s viral TikTok), writers with thesauruses, things being “too much”, self-diagnosing, Mean Girls, ...

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Oct. 7, 2021

We're all going to beep you in the beep

Topics include Eleanor Roosevelt and Amelia Earhart, gossip. Boomer comedians for Boomers, horse-punching energy, a warning about Gilbert Gottfried cameos, sex-ed for grown-ass men, John Mulaney and parasocial relationships, ...

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Sept. 16, 2021

I will dabble in smut.

Topics include American cheese, charcuterie, Subway the restaurant, Jeanne's first and last real piece of writing, Jessica's legions of TikTok fans, men with daughters, a man and his dick, Stan Shunpike, and the *dangers* of ...

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Aug. 30, 2021

Peanut Butter Slabs, Rainbow Flags & MAGA Hats

A very back-to-school edition of Raised Wrong. Topics include ear piercing, Oodles Babies, fighting with men, appreciating Gen-Z, English teachers, the dad-first mentality, Dr. Phil & catfishing, rainbow flags, and critical ...

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Aug. 11, 2021

Righteously angry & manically high

Topics include being home alone, monogamous tattoo artists, the Cleveland Guardians, Aunt Jemima, Love Island UK, Rhode Island, lovemaking, and hatemaking. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine instructs us on how to speak to a ...

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July 28, 2021

Man vs. Horse

Topics include America, hotel gyms, the Hard Rock Cafe, fruity drinks, hot air balloons, parasailing, bad coworkers, and internet geniuses. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine helps us talk to a maitre'd. And finally we play a...

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July 15, 2021

REUNITED AT LASST (Two Girls, One Mic)

LIVE (but not really) from the AC Marriott in Dublin, Ohio, we honestly raise more questions about hotels than we answer! Topics include bibles, ice machines, emergency exits, black lights, waxing, Sha'Carri Richardson (after...

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July 7, 2021

Do birds have dicks?

Topics include canceled plans, bird parts, cicadas, Gilbert Gottfried, Sha’Carri Richardson (before the news), kooky psychiatrists (part II), and the immortal Cole Beasley. Plus, a June 2003 Cosmo teaches us how to be "ballsi...

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June 9, 2021

The Jeff Bezos of Ducks

Topics include tooth-brushing, pussy quadrants, roller skates AND blades, $400 bikinis, Lexapro, influencer mommies, Clay Aiken, and the true meaning of Memorial Day. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan blows ours minds regarding THR...

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May 12, 2021

What is a "book" anyway?

We're back! Wow. Topics include drive-through vaccinations, how not to write a book, being naked at the dermatologist, living your best life with botox, tiny houses, stupid computers, veterinary medicine, and “I didn’t know I...

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April 21, 2021

Tight Hips & Magic Tricks

Topics include the deep state plot against Matt Gaetz, TMG (too much guacamole), dentists, plastic surgery, shelf butts, vaccine theatre, and a desperate plea for you to join TikTok. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine gives u...

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April 7, 2021

An Easter Carol (sponsored by Ativan)

Topics include birthday presents (good & bad), sleep complaining, Ativan and more Ativan, fancy face serums, Botox, AirPods Pro, Lil Nas X, runaway dogs, and libertarian anti-feminists. Plus, a Cosmopolitan magazine from 2003...

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March 29, 2021

A One-Way Ticket To The Loony Bin

WARNING: This episode, while very hilarious, contains content related to depression and suicidal thoughts. Other fun topics include opossums, Jessica's ass, Operation Varsity Blues: The Movie, Jeni's Everything Bagel ice crea...

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March 10, 2021

The Robin Hood of Bullying (numbers is math)

Topics include sweatshirts (as per usual), Tyra Banks, birthdays, baked Cheetos, bullying, the C-word, blood, more blood, divorce, and Dr. Seuss. Plus, a continuation of some very beverage-based relationship advice from a 200...

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March 4, 2021

Nudity is not a problem for me

Topics include puzzles, massages, Nextdoor, stealing cars, friendship, Bridgerton, #nomakeup, nudes, staring at babies, guns, and potatoes. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine encourages us to go to the opera and drink lots o...

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Feb. 18, 2021

Free Britney, Bitch

Topics include driver's tests, trumpets, the movie Castaway starring Tom Hanks, vagina hair lasers, snow days, the Britney Spears documentary, skinny jeans, soggy jeans, and yoga pants. Plus, we learn 2 mindblowingly stupid t...

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Feb. 11, 2021

Mark Zuckerberg Was Very Unfair To Me

Topics include Facebook, Doogie Howser, M.D., smoothies, GameStop, ring lights, Thinx poison panties, anti-vaxxers, Honda Civics, learning to stepparent, Vanna White, Mitt Romney’s hair, and marriage resumes. Plus, a 2003 Cos...

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Feb. 2, 2021

What would Lady Gaga do?

Topics include Larry King, tiny foods, giant hoodies (Part III), dry streaks, Shake Shack, more senseless tattoos, the national anthem, the New York Times, and how to know when you need a divorce. Plus, 10 things you should N...

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Jan. 18, 2021

Unimaginable. Disgraceful. Shocking.

Topics include giant hoodies (Part II), bone broth, the 1 Second Everyday app, seasonal depression, being rejected by Matt LeBlanc, saying adieu to Parler, the insurrection, and fighting over NFL football. Plus, we give you 3...

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Jan. 8, 2021

What did Alec Baldwin know and when did he know it?

Happy new year! Topics include giant hoodies for tiny little babies, Jeanne's new favorite food, the sexy side of the Great British Baking Show, having a personality on ANTM, Juice WRLD & know-it-all old men, how to take nud...

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Dec. 21, 2020

What is saucepan? What is love?

Topics include getting dressed, the Babybel cheese family, more cheeses, the lesbian Christmas movie, Ben Shapiro (again), DR. Jill Biden the doctor, and Olivia Jade breaking the silence. Plus, some *very* special advice fro...

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