Episodes

Topics include Christmas trees, Hillbilly Elegy, bronzer, the magic of Etsy, ACDC, the disappointment of LinkedIn, the aging of America’s Next Top Model, and the importance of treating one’s self. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan ma...

Topics include the duality of gripes, Sia the musical artist, water bottle pants, rough mitts, TML (too many likes), senseless tattoos, and rich Santa. Plus, Cosmopolitan magazine advises us to trick men into loving us by pla...

Topics in this very special election episode include phone banking, Rudy Giuliani, Four Seasons Total Landscaping, Chris Cuomo, Jake Tapper, freedom fries, Parler, and granny panties. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine, once ...

Topics include ASMR, TikTok teens, daylight savings, Borat 2, the Magic School Bus, nose positivity, Kevin from math class, Gwen Stefani, our 4 collective marriage proposals, dads, and pencils. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magaz...

Topics include The Addams Family, needles, seasonal potato snacks, Joey the dog trainer, incompetent people, terrible men, dog sitting, and Palm Pilots. Plus, a Cosmopolitan magazine makes life markedly worse for all millen...

Topics include prizes, hair journeys, gaslighting, Mike Zuckerbird, sex trafficking, SnackWell's cookies, and flu shots. Plus, a 2000 Cosmopolitan instructs us on how to turn very normal interactions into incredibly damaging ...

Topics include regional dialects, hot dummies, the now distant memory of the presidential debates, fancy sheets, a complete history of Jello, departments and/or bureaus of motor vehicles, and hypocrisy. Plus a 20-year-old Cos...

Topics include unicorn chips, Trump's taxes, Bezos’s dick, pineapple on pizza, kids saying the darnedest things, toxic friends, Dwayne 'rock' Johnson, sex currency, and commas. Plus, a 2000 Cosmopolitan magazine tells us what...

Topics include food diaries, Paris Hilton's "real" voice, ninja turtles and internalized misogyny, crying while pretty, chronic autism, deathbed wishes, and Starbucks soy boys. Plus, a Cosmopolitan magazine from the year 2000...

Topics include disaster preparedness, holiday popcorn, Perry Mason, RuPaul's Drag Race, sleeping in socks, gender reveal fires, and jealous bitches. Plus, a 2004 Cosmo convinces us to change our man’s car clock and trick him ...

Topics include mini strokes, hemoglobin, steak sauce, maps, swimming pools, DUIs, dateaversaries, buying cows, and white asshole men. Plus, a 2004 Cosmo gives us advice on what to do when our man tries to be funny, and we F**...

Topics include yerba mate, EKG spray tans, sexy chimeras, pornhub subgenres, eating with your eyes, Peloton subgenres, the promises of weed, and Target's hatred of anything appropriate. A 2004 Cosmopolitan teaches us how to "...

Topics include stamps, medically necessary wigs, Sir Elton John, itty bitty asteroids, bearded dragons, Bobs, chipping in to build that wall, and tricking your man into seeing a chick flick. Plus, a waiting-themed F**k/Marry/...

Topics include 90 Day Fiancé, tattoos, so many cereals, Dateline, stupid boring grownup problems, dumping a therapist, moody men (again), and the greatest self-owns in all of history. Plus, we play F**k/Marry/Kill with the bo...

Topics include mascots, pigtails, praise, couples’ massages, gluten free tourism, early mid-life crises, and the theory of evolution. Cosmopolitan magazine teaches us to help our men daydream in a more manageable way and we F...

Topics include at-home waxing, St. Ashley, cheese salads, peanut butter debacles, little birdies, and the price of our love ($100). Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine tells us what to do with our mopey men and we play F**k/M...

In this very special edition of F**k/Marry/Kill, we do the unthinkable and decide who will live or die or be banged between Tom Hanks in Apollo 13, Tom Hanks in Sully, and Tom Hanks in A Beautiful Day In The …

Another classic from the Cosmo advice archives in which a very real doctor tells you, the lady, how to make it up to your man when you're not DTF for the first and only time in your relationship.

From the Raised Wrong archives, this mini episode features approximately 10 straight minutes of laughter, exciting roleplay, and quite possibly the absolute worst advice from Cosmopolitan magazine in the year 2001.

Topics include Stitch Fix (not a sponsor), Advil (not a sponsor), parents (absolutely not a sponsor), cheeseburgers, and summer penises. And we F**k/Marry/Kill ferris wheels, roller coasters, and carousels.

Topics include shredded cheese, small tits, the horrors of leaving a voicemail, psychological manuals, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, and sexcapades. Plus, we do a very patriotic and not at all offensive F**k/Marry/Kill with the...

Topics include sexy penguins, the magic of lasers, outrage porn, and saying no. Plus, an important potato chip update. And we F**k/Marry/Kill the pop stars of our youth. Not (yet) sponsored by Lamictal.

Topics include syrup, statues, and citronella candles, plus we F**k/Marry/Kill Colonel Sanders, Cap'n Crunch, and the Jolly Green Giant.